If i lose myself
by rosalina2123
Summary: When Megan gets really sick and is possibly dying, how will Walter handle it and will Paige be there for him?I stared up at the sun Thought of all other people, places and things I've loved I stared up just to see Of all other faces, you are the one next to me You can feel the light start to tremble Washing what you know out the sea yeah You can see your life out of the window, ton


Chapter 1

Salty tears graze my fingers as I stroke his cheek, "Walter, look at me, we knew this was going to happen sooner or later, the treatments would stop working, they were only preventing the inevitable" I say quietly, "but we can find something, we can make it work again" he says shakily, "baby nothing more can be done, I only had a life expectancy of 6 years, and I can't do it anymore" I say running my fingers through his curly hair, he doesn't say anything but gets on the hospital bed beside me and I wrap my arm around him, "shh, it's OK"I say, squeezing his hand, trying to be comforting even though i'm scared myself. Eventually he settles a bit and before to long Paige comes in. "Megan, how is he, how are you"she asks, "I'm ok, he'll be ok, it'll just take him awhile to come around, he thinks I need to try more treatment, but I've told him nothing will work anymore"I say quietly as he stirs, "i get that, treatment only treats it, it doesn't necessarily cure it" she says, "yeah, shh Walt Paige is here, it's time to go home and get some sleep"i say gently, "mmm k, love you"he says, "shh I love you too"i say kissing his hand as he gets up and let's Paige guide him out. I fall asleep after this, the last thought on my mind my memory of when I got the diagnosis and how he reacted.

Flash back

" _Damn it, not you, just not you" he yells throwing a glass against the wall, glass shattering and cutting his hand. In shock of what he's just done, he falls down into a chair and starts sobbing. I wrap my arms around him, "hush Walter, shh baby it's OK, I'll be OK, they'll start treatments and I'll be fine, now let's get your hand cleaned up OK"I say cupping his chin in my hand to get him to look at me, "OK"he murmurs. I get up and I go to the bathroom, and I get a towel and the first aid kit. I then come back and sit in front of him, wrapping his hand in a towel and keeping pressure. He's deathly quiet,and that scares me, "Walter talk to me baby please" I say looking into his brown eyes for awareness, "Megan, I I it's too hard, I can't stand to see this happen to you"he says shakily, "shh I know,it'll be ok,we'll make it through this baby, we'll make it, now can I clean your hand" I ask gently, "ok" he murmurs._

 _I take his hand in mine and gently unwrap the towel, the bleeding has stopped for the most part, and I take a wet alcohol wipe to his hand, and he winces but lets me finish, then I put on antibiotic cream, then wrap his hand in gauze. "OK all done, shh baby lets go to the couch ok"I ask him gently as he gets up and holds onto me. I lead him over to the couch and he lays down, and looks up at me with big brown eyes, "shh Walt_ _I'll be right back,I'm going to clean up the glass ok"I say stroking his cheek, "ok"he murmurs quietly. I go clean up the glass and then come back to him and I realize he's crying, "shh come here"I say as he sits up and I sit down pulling him to my lap, "hey I gotcha ok, just let yourself feel, it's ok to feel sad, upset, come here"I say stroking his forehead and soon enough he's asleep head against my stomach, relaxed for the first time in awhile. I worry about him, he hardly ever shows emotion, thinks it's wrong, too much, but he's more open with me, than anyone else though, so this is a good thing he' opening up to me, even if it's hard, I watch him sleep for awhile and though I know I need to get up and go make dinner and finish cleaning up I don't want to leave him, I run my fingers through his hair and he stirs at the contact but relaxes as I move him laying his head on the pillow,and pulling a blanket to his chest. I move to the kitchen but end up standing in the doorway watching him, and wondering if he'll be ok, if i'll be ok, but know somehow it will be._


End file.
